


House Arrest

by PessimisticLatte (itwasamistakeokay)



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkwardness, Bisexual Disaster, Confused Scott Lang, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Scott Lang-centric, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony survives endgame, ant-man - Freeform, based off a gif from ant-man (2015), i wrote this for a friend and never finished it so i'm finishing it now, scott is a disaster, scott is on house arrest, the interaction this is based on lasts for two seconds but i ship it so hard now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwasamistakeokay/pseuds/PessimisticLatte
Summary: There was a gif from Ant-Man (2015) that inspired me to write this. It's an interaction between Scott Lang and a random FBI agent named Jimmy Woo and my friend convinced me to ship it and now I do. I wrote this for her and never continued so, Bee, I'm going to finish it and all the chapters will be here for you to read whenever you want to.
Relationships: scott lang x random fbi agent
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

“Lang, we discussed this, if you’re bored, calling the police on yourself is not a good way of getting someone to give you company,” Agent Jimmy Woo let out a long suffering sigh as he drove Scott Lang home in the back of his sleek, black Stark branded car. Lang was sitting in the back of Agent Woo’s car, slumped in his seat and staring dejectedly out the dark windows. “If you’re lonely, call Maggie and ask her to bring Cassie over. Or, maybe, call Peter Parker! You and Parker get on like a house on fire. You really don’t need to waste the tax-payers dollars on emergency services because you’re lonely.”

“I can’t,” Lang groaned, rolling the back of his neck along the top of the leather seat behind him like an angsty teenager.

“You can’t  _ what _ ?” Woo pressed. He felt like an idiot. Here he was, at 3:45pm on a Thursday driving Scott Lang a.k.a Ant-Man back home after he had purposely wasted police time and had himself arrested (despite being under house arrest for at least the next 2 weeks) so that he could have some company. This had happened so regularly that Lang had to actually leave his house for the police to come to him but now, it wasn’t the police who came to get Lang, it was Woo. Agent Jimmy Woo, FBI, glorified babysitter for an actual superhero with the mental age of a 16 year old boy.

“See Cassie or Peter,” 

“And why can’t you see Cassie or Peter, Lang? Did Ms Parker tell you off again for doing something stupid that you, as an adult, should have known not to do and not encouraged Peter to do?”

“I didn’t piss off May, she loves me. I’m her favourite person in the world! Woo, you should definitely try her lasagna, it’s so good,” Lang paused for a moment to imagine May’s home cooked lasagna fresh from the oven.

“Then why can’t you see Peter?” Woo pressed, flicking the indicator on the car as he pulled into a right hand turning lane at a set of red stop lights. 

“Stark took him and May away with him, Pepper and Morgan to Bora Bora or some shit for a  _ ‘family holiday’ _ after all the Thanos bullshit,” Lang appeared to be pouting and had returned to staring out the car window. Woo adjusted the rear view mirror and checked his side mirrors casually as the lights went green and he pulled into the next street. “And  _ apparently _ I’m not family.”

“That doesn’t explain why you can’t see Cassie, she’s still living with Maggie, right?” Lang sounded so dejected that Woo softened his voice the littlest bit.

“Cassie’s gone off to college. I keep forgetting how much she’s grown and I know that I’m never going to be able to accept that my little girl isn’t so little anymore. And no, she isn’t living with Maggie anymore, Cass is living on campus at the University of Ontario in Canada. Mags and Jim are currently on their honeymoon, they kept putting it off until Cass had settled into college,” Woo looked at Lang through the rear view mirror. Scott’s dark hair was greasy and unkempt, something that wasn’t common for him. Woo had always seen Lang so perfectly coiffed that he assumed that Lang spent longer than he was willing to admit getting his hair to that perfect  _ ‘just rolled out of bed’  _ messiness without the  _ ‘I look like I slept in a ditch’  _ side. 

Woo moved his eyes back to the road and sat in silence with Lang for a few minutes. With a sigh, Woo took a sharp right hand turn and stopped the car on the edge of the nearest driveway. Lang sat up in his seat and looked at the houses outside the car.

“I thought you were taking me home, Woo, I’m not sure that this is where I live,” Lang joked, his mouth quirking into a cocky smirk. Lang liked making fun of Woo, he was yet to get a reaction from the FBI agent but he wouldn’t ever let that stop him. Woo was leaning forward, intently plugging something into the GPS of the car. “You haven’t forgotten my address, have you, Woo? Are you getting senile in your old age?”

Woo sat up after typing into the GPS and started the engine of the car again. “I’m a year older than you, Lang, and if I look any older than I am it is because babysitting you has aged me decades,” Woo pulled out of the gutter smoothly and made a slick U-turn back the way they had come. “I haven’t forgotten where you live, I’ve probably spent more time returning you to your own house than I have going to my own.”

“You make it sound like you don’t enjoy spending time with me, Agent Woo, it wounds me,” Lang placed a hand over his heart and leaned forward so his face was close to Woo’s. “Where are we going?”

Woo sighed. “You’re lonely and I haven’t had lunch today so I’m taking you to the nearest McDonald’s. We are going to get take out and we are going to eat in the car, alright?”

Lang’s face lit up with an almost childlike enthusiasm.  _ God,  _ Woo thought,  _ this guy is such a kid. He has a daughter in college for fuck’s sake, why does he act like a 16 year old boy?  _ Lang sat back in his seat, his posture now open and relaxed, a massive change from the brooding man who had spent so much of this drive silent and giving clipped answers.

“Why are we going to eat in the car?” Lang asked, simply.

“Because I’m still on duty and if we both get out of the car to go into a McDonald’s, someone might recognise me and assume that I picked up the infamous Scott Lang to take him out for a burger, which would damage my reputation as an officer,” Lang nodded.

“Alrighty then, I’ll stay in the car, you’re the bossman, Woofles,”

“Don’t call me  _ Woofles _ , Lang,” Woo huffed, irritated.

“Whatever you say, Jimothy!”

“Do. Not. Call. Me.  _ Jimmothy _ .”

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

“Next time you’re lonely, don’t try to call the police on yourself, Lang, be a normal goddamn person and, I don’t know, join a discord server or play a video game,” Woo said as he pulled into Lang’s driveway and put the car into park.

“Okay,” Lang said, opening the car door and getting out. “Thanks, I guess, Woo, your company isn’t something I’d go out of my way to have again but the food wasn’t bad.”

“You’re less annoying when your mouth is full of food,” Woo quipped back. He wanted to go home. The FBI and S.H.I.E.L.D had been doing a lot of work in the past few years since the Thanos snap and the Thanos un-snap which had left Tony Stark badly burned and in a severe coma up until 6 months ago. Agent Woo was aware of Tony, his wife Pepper Potts and their daughter Morgan Potts-Stark being on holiday but he was surprised that the Potts-Stark family had taken the Parker’s with them. Tony had quite the attachment to the teenager who also went by Spiderman, so Woo guessed that maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised.

“You’re less annoying when you’re not around, Agent Woo,”

“I’m glad that we’re on the same page, Lang. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,”

“This isn’t a swinging door, Woo-”

“I literally could not care any less, goodbye, Lang. Behave,”

Lang pulled a face at Woo and slammed the door before marching up his driveway, up the stairs of his house, unlocking the front door and going inside without a single glance back at the car or the agent sitting inside it. Woo pulled out of the driveway and took himself home for a warm meal, strong drink and long sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

“Be a normal person, Lang. Join a discord server, Lang. Behave yourself, Lang,” Scott mimicked Agent Woo after he woke up from the world’s shortest nap at 2:43am the next morning. “What are you, Woo? My mother?”

Scott made himself a bowl of cereal and slunk down the stairs into the basement. The basement was split into two sections; Scott’s man-cave and Hope’s  _ ‘Scott, I swear to god that if you touch anything here or make even the slightest mess, they will not be able to find your body’  _ space. Hope’s area had their Ant-Man and Wasp suits, scientific equipment to help them with the suits upkeep and general hero fighting stuff, several very sharp knives and stabby things that Scott definitely didn’t want poked into his body. It was spotless and Hope had the exact placements of everything memorised so that she could definitely tell, with little effort, that Scott had done something.

The man-cave was the opposite. Empty snack packets littered the floor, the carpet was more dorito than fabric, and smelled like the wrong end of a sewer. Scott’s game was exactly where he had paused it before he went walkabout yesterday afternoon. He grabbed his headset from the beanbag and slipped it onto his head with one hand, adjusting the mic slightly as he ate a mouthful of cereal. Careful not to spill the cereal, Scott flung himself down into the chair and grabbed his controller up off the floor, turning it on. The game system whirred as the controller came to life and immediately closed the pause screen of a game that had ended 25 minutes after Scott left the house.

Using the controller with one hand and sloppily eating cereal with the other, Scott flicked through the games downloaded on his system and logged into Overwatch. He’d updated his online gaming membership last week but hadn’t exactly taken advantage of it yet. Whenever he contacted Thor and asked the Asgardian to play with him, Thor had just wanted to log into Fortnite and play the game where you got to kill Thanos. Scott hated Fortnite because the game was shit, it was unoriginal, the UI made him want to scream and he had spent so many hours playing online with Thor that if he never saw a brightly coloured llama head ever again, it would be too soon.

Scott opened up his friends menu and scanned who was online. Most of the accounts were either inactive or in game with full teams but Scott kept scrolling through, hoping to find someone. With no avail, Scott gave up and went into quick play. Putting the cereal down, he adjusted the mic again and switched voice chat on.

“Hello, hello, hello, are we ready to kill these assholes?” Scott laughed into the mic. There was silence for a moment before the chat filled with the voices of his teammates. Most sounded like kids, but who didn’t sound like a kid when playing an FPS game?

The match began with Scott’s team launching into action immediately. They communicated through voice chat to keep their hands free for the controllers, yelling encouragement and, occasionally, insults at each other. The match drew to a close with Scott’s team winning by a landslide despite several of their teammates dropping out mid-game and being replaced with whatever random’s the system could dredge up to fill those spaces. One of the guys on Scott’s team,  _ theBossMan _ , requested to stay as a team.  _ TheBossMan _ had been one of the better players on Scott’s team despite being completely silent when it came to team chat during the match.

Scott shrugged and hit accept. He was the only one who did but he was just happy to be communicating with people.  _ TheBossMan _ and Scott played in silence for a few matches, they were still a team, Scott just didn’t stay in the chat channel between them, instead using the whole team chat. Halfway through a game, Scott went to make a comment into the team chat, not realising that he’d switched into the channel between him and  _ theBossMan _ . 

“Dear god, who in Thanos’s huge purple ass do these shits think they are?” He grumbled into the mic about the other team.

“...Lang?” A very confused but very familiar voice asked through the silence of the group channel.

“....Woo?” Scott asked back. Dear god, out of everyone he could have teamed up with, out of everyone in the whole GODDAMN WORLD, it had to be Agent Jimmy Woo.

“Affirmative,” Woo responded with a laugh in his voice.

“Fucking hell, Woo, I didn’t know that you had a life outside of pressed suits and babysitting duty!” Scott couldn’t contain the burst of irony influenced manic laughter that was picked up by his headset.

“You absolute wanker, Lang, get your ass on the checkpoint,” 

“ _ Get your ass on the checkpoint _ ,” Scott mimicked as he did what Woo told him to do and planted himself on the checkpoint just as the opposing team ran in, unprepared for the TPK waiting for them in the form of Bastion in sentry form.

“Mic is still open, Lang, you need to work on your impression of me if you ever want to be as cool as me when you grow up,”

“Don’t you have a job to get to, Woo?”

“Don’t you have a life to get to, Lang?”

Lang’s character died and he was sent, grumbling, back to the spawn location. He selected new character and headed back out into the fray.

“Jokes on you, Woo, I don’t have a life until my ankle monitor gets removed. You’re still skipping work to play a video game! Checkmate,”

Woo’s character unleashed their special move and destroyed several enemy turrets as well as sending quite a few of their team back to the spawn point.

“It ain’t a checkmate if your boss gave you the day off because you’ve been working so damn hard and you deserve the day off! Wait, no, take the week off, Woo! You done good,” Woo over exaggerated the conversation he’d had over the phone with his boss this morning after he’d decided to call in sick, just in case he ended up babysitting Lang again. He’d seen Lang in the flesh too many times in the last month and he thought he would be able to get a rest day in, play some competitive Overwatch and be completely free of Scott Lang.

“Suck up,”

“I am not a suck up,”

“Ooooh, Mr Boss-Man, let me lick your boots clean for you. Let me chew your food for you, i wouldn’t want you to choke!” Lang cooed mockingly in a disconcerting, falsetto voice,

“Get your head out of your ass and on the checkpoint, Lang,” Woo grumbled. What a fan-fucking-tastic day today turned out to be.


	3. Chapter 3

Woo had gotten lucky in the last month. Since his several straight weeks of dealing with Lang and the mortifying gaming experience that found them bickering like children over voice chat, Woo was a single interaction away from throwing Lang off the nearest bridge but he hadn’t had to babysit or even hear about him for the last month. They hadn’t matched up again online, which Woo was pretty damn grateful for. Lang was a good player but he was annoying.

Woo was sitting at his desk watching a close up magic video on youtube when he heard a familiar voice whinging as the heavy doors leading into the main FBI office space were pushed open. Lo and behold, in walked Scott Lang with another agent. Surprisingly, Lang wasn’t in cuffs and the officer didn’t seem to be restraining him, if anything, the officer was laughing at whatever Lang had said.

“His impression of you is pretty good, Jimmy,” The agent said as he and Lang approached Woo’s desk. Woo quickly hid the deck of cards he was trying to shuffle under his desk. The gleam in Lang’s eye told Woo that he hadn’t been as discreet as he thought he had been. 

“Why’re you here, Lang?” Woo sighed, leaning back in his comfortable leather chair.

“Didn’t ya hear, Parkinator? Stony Tony is back from Bora Bora and is dropping into here today! He asked me to come on in too and I heard that he’s bringing the teen webslinger himself, Peter Parker!” Lang sat on Woo’s desk as he spoke in a sports announcer-esque voice. Woo looked sadly at the papers Lang had sent scattering after he had pulled himself onto the desk. 

Woo adored Tony Stark and Peter Parker was a ray of sunshine but Lang? There had been a time a few years ago when Woo had held Lang on a pedestal. Lang had helped save the world from Thanos, Lang was the one who made it possible for Woo’s loved ones to come back from wherever they had gone in those 5 years; for longer than Woo wanted to admit, Lang had hung the moon for him. Since the fourth time Woo had to arrest Lang for being an idiot, the hero-worship had faded a little. Then a lot. Then it stopped existing altogether. Woo couldn’t understand how a man so smart, how the man who gave Tony Fucking Stark the key for how to defeat Thanos, could be such an absolute moron.

There were parts of Woo that still thought Scott Lang was the coolest man alive, those parts were the ones that had led him to getting lunch with Lang over a month ago and continuing to play Overwatch with him that day even while he was mocked mercilessly; sometimes it was hard to shut them down. Remembering the deck of cards hidden in his lap and the close up magic video he had forgotten to pause, Woo’s ears started to burn and he felt a flush rise up his neck.

“Ooooh, did I say something that embarrassed you, Agent Woo?” Lang drawled. Woo’s face and ears began to burn even more as he stood, sending the deck scattering to the floor, and walked to the men’s toilets as quickly as his legs would take him.

Sitting in a locked stall, on top of a toilet with a closed lid, Woo sighed and remembered some of the unforgettable interactions he’d had with Lang before the man had become a nuisance. Woo had been trying to learn close up magic since Lang showed him a cool card trick several years ago, he hadn’t been able to get the hang of it just yet but knew he’d get it eventually. Agent Jimmy Woo never gave up. Unless it was on Scott Lang...but he’d never given up on Scott Lang.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

Woo stood awkwardly in the foyer of FBI headquarters with Scott Lang, a very tanned Tony Stark and a horribly sunburned Peter Parker as well as several agents and Woo’s boss. Stark was thanking the group for helping him and his family get away and for helping keep Peter out of trouble for the last few years while he had been comatose. Peter had a goofy smile on his face despite the cooked lobster hue of his skin and the rather impressive blistering bubbling up on the skin of his shoulders through his tank top.

Stark, Peter and the majority of the group started to migrate outside toward the car that had brought Peter and Stark from the airport. Lang stayed behind, looking as awkward as Woo felt.

“So...uh…” Lang began, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah…” Woo responded, swinging his arms at his sides. 

“Your boss told Tony about some of my stunts…”

“I can imagine that he did,”

“I don’t know if he was expecting Tony to  _ do _ anything,”

“Are you saying that Tony Stark didn’t reprimand you for putting his spider-ward as well as yourself in danger for shits and giggles?”

“Yeah...I guess so, Tony laughed a little bit and said that Peter and me being alive kinda meant that Peter’s specially made, Tony Stark designed and approved spidey suit did it’s job,”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“He was happy that Peter came out unscathed, what about you?”

“Oh, he said he wanted me to get him some of the Pym Particle so he could add a new feature to Peter’s suit so Peter could get little with me and not cause as much damage when we do dumb shit,”

“Ah...okay...makes sense,” It didn’t make sense. Woo was confused. Then he remembered that Tony and Lang got on very well on the grounds of both being too smart for their own good, having no sense of personal safety, being loyal to no fault and also being two of the most reckless men Woo had ever encountered. Tony Stark would most certainly condone the idiocy that Lang took such pride in displaying, and would definitely provide  _ new _ and  _ exciting _ ways for him to attempt it with Peter Parker. Parker wasn’t the teenager he’d been after Thanos anymore. At 19, he stood taller than Stark, more muscle-bound but still goofy, impressionable and, like Stark and Lang, too smart for his own good. All three had a tendency to forget that they’d been told  _ not _ to do something and did it anyway.

“So...uh….um…,” Lang opened his mouth to speak again but closed it almost immediately. For a man who almost never shut up, Woo was surprised to see him actually stop himself from speaking.

“Lang, time to go,” Stark’s voice rang out from the front of the building. “You can hang out with Woo later, I need you to babysit Morgan and Peter tonight.”

“Coming,” Lang called. Despite being a man with an adult daughter and in his late 30’s, Lang sometimes treated Stark like his dad, especially in some of the body language he used toward him. “So, uh, bye, Woo.”

“I’ll be seeing you again,” Woo said a little too quickly.

“What?” Lang asked, confused.

“I’ll be seeing you again...like, maybe arresting you,” Woo’s face started to heat.

“Oh...I-I thought you were inviting me somewhere,”

“Why would I invite you somewhere?”

“I..I, uh, I don’t know,”

“Did you think I was asking you to dinner?”

“Well, I thought maybe you wanted to hang out, you made it sound like you wanted to hang out,”

“Do you want to hang out, Lang?”

“I guess?”

“Where?”

“...what?”

“Um,”

“Where do you wanna hang out...cause I’m free,”

“Oh...uh...um…,”

“Lang, got things to do, people to see, money to make. Hurry the fuck up because I don’t have all day,” Clicking his fingers in Scott’s direction, Tony poked his head out of the car door and lowered his sunglasses slightly to assess Scott over the top of them. “Woo, he can hang out later. I’ve already said that and time is money, get in the car, Lang.”

“Well, bye, Woo,” Awkwardly, Scott rubbed the back of his neck before walking to the car and climbing inside it. Raising his hand as if to wave, Woo caught himself with a confused grimace and shoved his hand into his pocket.

“That was the most awkward interaction I have ever witnessed in my entire life, Woo,” Clapping Woo on the shoulder, one of his fellow agents gave him a shit-eating grin and disappeared back into the building behind them.

“What the fuck?” Whispering to himself, Woo dug his hands further into his pockets and retreated back inside too.


End file.
